Please, let me fuck your mom
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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