So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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