she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
