Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
