watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
