I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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