she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
