i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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