Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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