Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
