Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
