at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
