i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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