I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
