I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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