The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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