dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
