He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize