Dual....:-)
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
