To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
