I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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