The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
