I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
