dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
