I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
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he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Shame is for Republicans.
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