sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
