My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
