I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
