I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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