I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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