Kiss
Puke
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
