You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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