I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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