I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
