toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
