He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
