So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
