this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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