a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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