first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm both gender and math confused
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
