He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
