Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
