Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
last night I used snow as a chaser
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