Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize