u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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