I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
