Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she smelled like a LAN party
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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