I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
