I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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