My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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