in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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