So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
