the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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