Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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