Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
