Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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