I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I forget how to act sober
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