Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
