Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
