why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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