i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
