Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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