where am i from again
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
