What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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